Where to start

Before we start the game we have to find out where we stand. Why do I do this experiment?

I think people perceive me as tough and not needing anybody. This is, of course, a misperception. Everybody needs somebody sometimes. But I am not good in small talk and don’t open up too easily. I am very happy on my own and I don’t need someone to give my life a meaning. Nevertheless, I like being in good company and spending time with family and friends. Plus, I would appreciate an active love life and, ideally, sharing my life with someone.

Why, then, have I been single for quite a while now? I often struggle with feeling like I have nothing to add in social settings because I am very direct and I hate the games people play with each other. I find politics stressing and after several days with lots of contacts I need some time for myself to recharge my batteries. When it comes to social life, I’m a bit Sheldon-like. I couldn’t be bothered by most of the things people say or do. The other side of that is that I do not judge but respect everybody for being him / her.

People who know me better say I am a warm, funny person who just doesn’t show it. I want to show less disinterest and be more outgoing. I don’t want to spend Friday night on my sofa eating crisps. I want to meet new people and bring some adventure into my life. I became lazy, and that has to stop. This experiment is about meeting people and challenging me, not first and foremost about finding a new partner. Although I won’t complain, should that be a side effect.

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Does it work?

If you are like any woman looking for a relationship, you might have heard about ‘The rules’. The book was a great success with the bottom line: Do not allow anyone to treat you like crap, and your relationship will be alright. Sadly enough, many women have to be told about this. It’s shocking how many of them allow men to behave like real jerks, and I always wondered why that is.

I grew up being told that women want love and men want sex, so the best way to be loved is to wait with being intimate, only to find that THAT’S BULLSHIT!!! Women want to get laid so badly, the only problem we have is that we are considered sluts if we admit it – be it in a relationship or not. Contrary to men, who have to be always ready for an adventure, it seems. Maybe that explains why many men treat women badly, and why many women allow them to do so. Horny women are sluts, and both genders learn that early in their life. Unfortunately, both sides seem to be unhappy with the result, or why is it that nobody is as easily screwable as married men?

As a woman, you do not want to end up finding your man disinterested and with one foot constantly out of the door (As if! They are way too lazy to leave you.). Accordingly, literature for women builds on tips like ‘Do not call him, wait with being intimate and never say ‘I love you’ first’. Unfortunately, political correctness lead us into an age where men approaching women risk being accused of all kinds if misbehaviour only for asking you out. So, how do we meet when 50% are told to wait while the other half learns not to approach?

Is it us against them? And when did that happen?

It was eye-opening for me when I realised men have problems finding a woman just like women find it difficult to find the right match. I do not feel like online-dating makes it any easier. And I have to admit I have not reached the point of total desperation where I am ready to think about which hair colour or star sign I want in a man (although I am done with Sagittarius, so bugger off!). I still believe in the magic of seeing someone across the room and feeling attracted enough to move my ass over. Or, as a rules girl, wait until he makes his move.

And then, on a book-exchange party the other day, I came across ‘The Rules of the Game’ by Neil Strauss. You may have heard about ‘pick up artists’, a more or less secret circle for men learning how to pick up women. Yes, they are learning about talking us out of our clothes! And they write books about it. And then it hit me: What if a woman would behave like that? What if Charlotte is all wrong and Samantha got it all right?

So I decided to make this the 2016 social field study: I will work my way through the workbook, try the tips for men on them and see where it gets me. The book is designed as a 30 day challenge striving to get a date, but I will work through it slowly. After all, I am going to destroy everything I believed in when it comes to dating.